I thought being tough made me strong,
Drove thrill out of not letting emotions take control,
I ducked cupid blows and relied on logic…
If I didn’t let them in, then they wouldn’t play.
But we all slip at some point, don’t we?
The question is, what next?
Blossom, just blossom!!! The one word that comes to my mind every time I am asked, “What next after I wither?”
“Rioba, you don’t understand,” they will all say, “it’s not that easy.” I do not refute, it is never that easy, but it doesn’t mean it is impossible. Blossoming, in my case, is a point where we rise despite the challenges we face, finding a reason to live again telling your story with a smile on your face and helping out someone who has been through the same situation. Blossoming is a resurrection of a dead soul, killed by the shift in a trend; because to live is more powerful a story to tell, than to give up.
My recent posts have been emotional, they discussed betrayal, pain, depression, suicide and to an extent bitterness. Some were driven from personal experiences while others were as a result of people sharing their own experiences with me. I found nothing wrong with the texts, because it felt good to let it out, but for how long is it good, and after how long does it become unhealthy. I noticed I was going astray when an acquaintance asked me why my notes had taken a sombre turn, and slowly, I began to snap out of it and take control of my life.
Being thrown in a state of disequilibrium, that messes with a pattern of things can be devastating. Either at work, at school or in your personal space; the effect of a loss of ground is the same. It feels like a vacuum, it is chocking, you wish for an end from the pain but it never comes. It feels like a deep black hole that you tumble into and wait for that final drop but it never comes. It is worse for others, especially when you have no one to rely on. When there is no one to talk you through it, you constantly refer back to the past to analyze what you could have done better and all it does is cause mental and emotional breakdown in you.
Scenarios that may affect us within the society we live in, such as; the loss of a job, a defamed character, a break up in a relationship or loss of societal status financially or morally, can be damaging both physically, mentally and emotionally. Most people crumble under the pressure of dealing with new zones that they are unfamiliar with. It is a state of confusion that ends up at a point break. But at a person’s breaking point, the question is, are they going to crumble or will they rise?
Life as it is, comes with its own challenges. It is never a smooth journey, but one must have the desire to drop their baggage and move on if things are meant to change. I do not hold the key to redemption, but I hope to carry the candle and light your path as you seek your way out of that hell hole. If you purpose to blossom, it becomes easy to find your new path and work with it, probably the challenge lies with where to begin, I hope this helps;
1-Confront your fears or the source of your pain
For long I lied to myself that I was okay, that It would all end with time. however, it was not until I admitted that things were not okay that I began to find relief. Do not pretend that everything is okay, just to be okay. Because the pain or fear will pile and at one point it will break you.
2-Give yourself a meaningful pep talk everyday
Hey Rioba, you are amazing, you are a champion, a conqueror, you can overcome it all. Every morning, I take a look in the mirror and encourage the girl who stares at me. At times it’s good to have your own back, because people leave at some point.
3-Focus on the positives
Stop cussing at the red flags that you may have intentionally missed. Instead, focus on the fact that you gained memories that went a long way into shaping something good in your life. Focusing on the negative only increases negative energy, taking you back to square one.
4-Find a pillar of strength.
I remember crying to my mum and telling her how bad things were on my end. Now, my mum is the best pillar of strength for me because in as much as she soothes my ache, she doesn’t sugar coat her words. She helped me snap out of it. If you are religious, then one thing I would tell you, that has also helped me, is finding a moment with God every day.
5-Crawl, walk, Run
Blossoming will not occur in a second. It may take ages, but you need to be patient enough to crawl before you can walk or run. If you rush the system then you are likely to end up going back to your depression
6-Do not defend your actions to masses.
The society will always talk. Whether you do good or bad, someone will always have something to say. So stop defending yourself to masses that do not really care. If they cared they would talk to you instead of talking behind your back. Find peace with yourself and what you do without them affecting you.
I do not know what you are going through or what you are trying to recover from. But always know that you are not alone. Someone somewhere has been through it and they rose. So do not give up, do not look for an easy way out. Water the dead roots and leaves in your life and blossom. most importantly, do not be scared to share and ask for help.