The plus sign

A sniff at single motherhood. I am in this puddle where I am trying to understand the complexity of parenthood. The more challenges I face, the more I appreciate motherhood.

The first peep at the plus sign alone is like a slap of a welcome to single parenthood. And the next three strips that all test positive, land the blow and the bucket of cold water to your new reality.

You are a few months from becoming a mum; Not just a mum, a single mum.

Maybe you fancied having children with the love of your life, but society forced you into a corner where you are the only one who has your back. This situation becomes a defining moment. Those nine months will be your make or break.

I have no idea how tough it is being a single mother, and I sure as hell know there will be no better half to help me through this uncertainty. At least not for a while. But the mere fact of a little idea growing that will soon be a stamp of achieved seems not far from that plus sign.

With that plus sign in my mind

I vow!                                 

I vow to do anything to nurse that little speck to success that can be birthed.

The months towards that mental pregnancy reaching its due date, I understand, is a journey I must embark alone. Maybe I shall seek help once in a while when the baby risks sinking in bad decisions. But until then it is up to me to steer it into the right direction. I relate to your journey because having a ground breaking idea that you love so much and want to give birth to, is no different from conceiving and giving birth to your actual baby.

The situations may be different

But somehow, the efforts and the results are the same.

Getting to motherhood is not an easy journey, Think of those pregnancies that escaped like wisps of smoke from your hands. Some of the lost chances were intentional, like the abortion you had because you were not ready. Some of the lost shots at experiencing motherhood were unintentional, like the miscarriage because of too much drinking. In your defense, you had no idea about your pregnancy status when you chugged the bottle. You reformed, settled down and began building a new life. This time, a still birth led to your third loss. It strained your relationship, but before he left, he planted a seed that you hope will carry to full term.

No more different that the journey it takes to come up with a million ideas and shoot them down before settling for the best option.

I relate to getting scared of the possibility of single motherhood, because conceptualizing and actualizing that business idea that has been nagging you at the back of your mind is no different from nursing your pregnancy to full term and holding your bouncing baby when the deal matures.

When that business idea comes in, at first we are so frightened to pick it up, scared of failure. So sometimes we abort the mission one too many times we get used to saying no to opportunities. I think my challenge in holding an idea to full term has been discouragement from people I look up to. The moment I hear the words ‘How do you think you’ll manage that’ or ‘don’t you think it’s more than you can handle’ I abort the mission. The scrutiny in the possibility of single motherhood and in that new project is no different. It can send you back to a shell because you don’t want to respond to the squinted eyes that are busy wondering if you are in your right mind.

But what you need to remember through it all if you set the ball rolling you have to keep going beyond the negatives and false positives.

The plus sign can only transition to motherhood if you will yourself to be a mother to that idea that seems far fetched to others. Will it to come to life and it sure will. Nurture it like a mother would a new babe. Treat those ideas like a positive sign on a pregnancy test. Let yourself feel and care enough to want to see it through.

I want to know what it feels like to finally give birth to my dreams. Surpass the barriers set by my predecessors

I want to hear my baby’s first cry

A warriors cry if you ask me. The first battle won. The fortress of uncertainty and fear demolished and victory is a grasp away

So transition from fear, to fright and choosing whether its flight or fight