CRABOLOGY- If I can’t be free, neither can you

On the other hand we imprison others. The chain of custody in pulling each other down is so tangled we are left with a messed up society ignorant of the damage we are inflicting on each other from insecurities.

Breaking utensils is one of the greatest pains in history. The pain comes from realizing how many shillings went down the drain and just how many memories shared with the utensils will be lost. It seems basic, until it is not. When your favourite coffee cup breaks, you feel like coffee from the other mugs taste like shit. The mug is gone, but at the back of your mind you keep wishing you could turn back time. At that point where you sip from the new blue mug, wishing you were using your favorite beige colored mug that slipped and crushed to a million pieces, you are treating the new mug like shit. No one and nothing wants to be subjected to constant comparison and belittling.

It is a simple fact. The damage is already done.

Either it slipped or maybe for a second you were careless. Nobody but you knows, and frankly most of the time, nobody cares. The anguish you feel within though, that is something nobody can ignore. It is like watching that little wish you held close to your heart fade away into thin air. No control whatsoever on your end. It is always painful the first time because of the effort you put to being careful, but after a follow up series of the same slip ups, you get used to constant disappointments. The moment that chest pain hits, you have a choice. Let it slip and move on or drop more pieces. Breaking utensils is also very similar to the state of broken relationships. The follow up action of how we treat people who come into our spaces to replace the broken pieces is also a mirror of how we deal with the loss of those favourite cups and plates. At that moment where your heart is buried deep in pain; you are bound to make a choice. Either, you will hurt the rest, like you have been hurt. Or you will wipe those broken pieces into that trash bag, dump them and begin afresh.

The human race is privileged to enjoy the freedom of choice. A choice to carry that broken plate to the bin and not use it as a threshold for how you will treat people or to ensure the same amount of pain felt from the broken utensil will be felt over and over, by other utensils which you will treat with a little bit less dignity. I understand we belong to a society that has normalized carrying past baggage into new relationships because we did not take a step to evaluate the impact of a broken relationship in our personalities. We did not recognize and deal with the insecurities that were created in us. We didn’t take time to sweep the debris away. Instead we let the garbage loiter in our thoughts and pollute our minds to a point we cannot think straight of future possibilities without attaching what ifs from the past

The dynamics of relationships are now characterized on who can hurt who best. It’s a dick move when grown-ups opt to measure the rate of a well done break up by the amount of pain inflicted on their partner during a break up. Take a chill pill. The humanistic nature of advancement that borrows from crabology principles only means that grow a generation of broken species that know the only way to heal themselves is by hurting others. The end result is a heap of insecurities, betrayal, hurt and vengeful society.

We should normalize visualizing our engagement with relationships like how we deal with broken utensils. Sweep the debris away before you get injured, or worse still, someone else gets wounded. Only then do we have a possibility of healing wounded hearts and breaking the pattern of people allergic to emotions trying their luck at relationships with partners hypnotized with the love ideology. Without a common ground, these opposite poles go contrary to science and repel. The repulsion being fuelled by the nature of discomfort and frustration due to incompatibility. And why in the world do we want to defy science?

The simple fact is; the damage is already done. How you hand moving forward is entirely up to you

Maybe next time when the plate slips through your slippery fingers, understand that multiple companies manufacture plates. You may not get a replica of your former plate, but you will never lack somewhere to serve yourself a meal. When we remove the mentality that there can never be another like the lost soul, then we give room for love to blossom and spread across the intertwined chain.

Today is not a day to point fingers or argue about who is right or wrong. Not when our inner child in us is hurting. It is all about acknowledgement that there is a problem in how we handle broken relationships and move forward to others and finding a way forward. Nothing sucks like letting someone know they are not enough. Or letting them know they are a little less than what you had before. So just sweep the debris and begin on a clean slate